Monday, July 5, 2010

I wrote a note for Frey one time...

You see the real problem isnt the drugs or the sex, or any of those cliche ideas. The real problem is the concepts we’ve grown to glamorize. It’s a choice, a decision to ignore the purity of the world, and gravitate to it’s darkness.

How can we re-train our brain to consider the simple things, to count the honest goodness of our world as wonderful, joyful and fulfilling?

Fulfilling; what is fulfillment? How do you feed the need; what is the need? Love, self-worth, life’s answers? Who has needs, and why do we need? Simplicity, isn’t that what we need. Can’t we go back? We’ve gone to far. How come we can’t go back?

I need to escape. Can you set me free? What does free feel like? How do you escape if you are already free? Does free include love? Or is love so selfless you can never feel free? Is love so selfish you require another’s freedom to feel better, to feel free?

I want to be free, I want to be selfish. I want to be loved. I want to love.

I want so much, and I want so little.

I am unaware of how I affect others. I’m unaware of how I impact others. My choices are my own, but I feel as if I don’t make them.

Things fall into places, and I love it; but why can’t they fall into another?

I can’t explain it, and I wonder why it matters. Why can’t we all just live, and let live? Why can’t we all be free? Why do we judge one another? Why can’t we live without judgment?

Will I burn? Will I be re-created? Will I grow? Can you be me? Can I be you? Can you help me? Because I can’t, I can’t help you, and I can’t help me.


1 comment:

  1. "Something deep down tells me that we are all semi-paralysed. And we die without so much as an explanation. And worst of all – we live without so much as an explanation… A whole world of semi-paralysed human beings. And everyone waiting in vain for a miracle." — Clarice Lispector

    Isn't this the truth? What else are we but helplessly human? For a long time I've felt this way. I just hope you can take my word for it when I say I understand. And thus, I hope you can take comfort in that, even if it's only a teeny tiny little bit of comfort in all this chaos.

    We have to continue to strive for the goodness in the world no matter what. It's there in a multitude of ways, even if it's not the sublime all-encompassing reciprocity of our dreams, it's still worth something right?

    I guess the problem is that we can't "have our cake and eat it too" - we want mutually exclusive things, and we forget how to really appreciate what's right in front of us all the time...

    I hope you will have the strength it takes to be happy in spite of everything. Don't ever spend a day without laughter or without some small act of kindness - you'll be fine!

    Eek! Sorry for the giant comment... hope you're having a good day today ^^ I like your blog!